Sitcoms have trained us to laugh at goofy guys and beautiful women. This formula has been replicated across generations and genres. Now reality television and social-media couples instagrams are telling the same story. Family Guy. The Simpsons. Love Is Blind. Perfect Match. The same messages are being reinforced through characters and people who are unequipped to do the emotional labor required in relationships. Women are expected to clean up after them. The women on Love Is Blind are asked to do more than clean up after men who insult them.
Again and again, women are the communicators, the healers, and the anchors. They bring up hard conversations, set relationship boundaries, and take the brunt of the blow when men behave poorly or fail to meet minimally civilized expectations. The show boasts that it will revolutionize dating by “looking beyond appearances,” but the gender roles are not changing. Patient women are praised. Tears are legitimized. Weak men are allowed to stumble, offering excuses as viewers are told they are “working on” themselves.
Scholar Kimberly Walsh discusses how we have been taught to expect imbalance from mismatched couples on sitcoms. The comedy (and sometimes drama) comes from the idea that women will just accept it. Beautiful and emotionally healthy women on these shows are ironically depicted, their value resting in how far they will bend to accommodate childish men. Viewers are not supposed to critique a woman’s resigneration to her partner’s behavior, they’re meant to laugh along with it. Similarly, Love Is Blind conditions viewers to accept manipulative behavior. Women’s value is still tied to their ability to find a partner, as Miss Representation points out. Men’s value is not hurting their chances by being assholes. If a woman tries to set a boundary on one of these shows, she’s seen as high-maintenance or crazy.
Our culture is learning it’s okay for women to be therapists and husbands as long we do it with a smile. I don’t think this is misogynistic rhetoric missed the mark. From a feminist rhetorical standpoint, we are learning how to read these interactions. We are taught to see unequal relationships as romantic, funny, acceptable, and sometimes normal. Much like how women in Dreamworlds 3 are sexualized for audiences, imbalanced relationships on reality TV are choreographed. It is funny and beautiful to watch. The repetition is significant. By reinforcing this groundlessly sexist norm across generations and mediums, we accept it as common sense. Instead of questioning why men are constantly underqualified for relationships, we cheer on women navigating their behavior. Empowerment is replaced by normalization.
Question for readers: How might love and relationships be portrayed in pop culture if we stop laughing at pretty girls dating dumb guys?
Hello! Thank you for your post! I feel like love is blind has just reinforced just how shallow people actually are. I feel like the men are still expecting someone extremely hot (which the girls usually are if were being honest) but yet these men still have higher expectations and are some how upset which is so annoying especially when most of the men on that show are not very attractive. It is also interesting how it changes when they see the other people in person like the people they almost picked and how that changes the dynamics. To answer your question, I think that if we stopped laughing at pretty girls dating dumb guys, I think it would need to be another cliche. The reality is that strong relationships are based off of equal partnerships and working together but the other reality is that those stories don't sell. Entertainment is about the drama and the changes where as in reality healthy relationship are stable but could be seen as "boring" in entertainment. I think that as we all grow up we have to accept that these scenarios we have seen growing up are just fictitious and not something we actually want to strive for. We all need to face reality. I think that this can be hard for so many people. I know that I get affected by tv and shows. My husband can always tell when I've watched a drama because all the sudden I'm picking fights out of no where because thats what I saw in the show. I didn't realize I was doing this until he pointed it out. It is crazy how these things can affect us so easily.
ReplyDeleteThis post really highlights how normalized emotional imbalance has become in pop culture. I found the connection between sitcoms and reality TV especially effective, because it shows how these patterns aren't accidental but repeated across formats and generations. The idea that women are expected to absorb emotional labor while men are praised for minimal growth feels uncomfortably familiar, especially in shows like Love Is Blind. I also appreciated how you framed humor as a tool that discourages critique when we're laughing, we're less likely to question what's being modeled. Your point about normalization replacing empowerment is especially powerful and unsetting.
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